Catalina Nichita - Conversations with intention and meaning | People of Justice 2023
We talk every day. We interact with people close to us, with strangers. But how often do we have conversations? Catalina Nichita explained to us on the People of Justice '23 stage the fine distinction between talk and conversation and gave us a red thread to follow so that we can have conversations with each other that are purposeful and meaningful. Healthy.
Author: Catalina Nichita
I want to give a speech at an event that is so meaningful. I'm very nervous and have lots of insecurities. I realized that I don't feel heard by those closest to me. How I needed the conversation to go? Clarification questions, mirroring, empathy and motivation. I realized that I don't feel heard by those closest to me. I put the problem on the table: {I want to give a speech {at an event that is so meaningful.. It's an honor for me to have been invited, but I'm very nervous and have lots of insecurities. It rained with:
If I were you...
You should talk about...
You shouldn't talk about...
Tips, stage directions, and many, many analogies. I'm out of the conversation more confused and disconnected than before. That's how I figured out that I don't feel heard by those closest to me. I did an exercise: {What I would have needed my friends to say? Concrete. How I would have needed the conversation to go?
First, I would have needed clarification questions: What do you need to start writing? You think you're not ready? What would it take to feel ready? And so, I would have outlined a direction or at least the next steps. Then I would have needed to mirror emotions: I think you feel a lot of pressure for the value you want to bring to people. You're overwhelmed. {because you know that vulnerability requires a lot of courage. and you're not so brave yet. And if someone had mirrored me like that, I would have realized they were just thoughts. And the thoughts come and go.
Then I would have needed empathy: I think it's very hard to talk in front of 500 people. That it's overwhelming to conduct the energy of the room. And if someone had validated my feelings like that, it would have been easier for me to accept them.
In the end, I would have needed motivation. What I needed in conversations was to find the tools to motivate myself. {What would it take {to succeed? {When was the last time you held a speech? How did you feel after giving the speech? And in doing so, I would have brought my own arguments, from my experience, that I can do this, because I've done it before.
So: clarification questions, mirroring, empathy and motivation. It's a simple structure, subjective, coming in response to my need to have someone to support my framework where I can lay my thoughts. No tips, no analogies, no hints. That's what I needed when getting ready emotionally for the speech tonight. Priya Parker is an author speaking about the art of relationship and conversations. She talks a lot about the intention we give to conversations, how important it is to have a purpose and stick to it. And if the aim of a conversation is to support space for each other, then it's very important to do just that. To provide space, not to crowd, not interfere. Let there be so much peace and lightness, that the other can hear his inner voice. Because the inner voice doesn't scream, it whispers. The rest is just noise.
We need such conversations. We need to support other by having such conversations and also be supported. It's not an easy job, mainly because we did not grow up in these type of conversations. It's absolutely counterintuitive. A lot of awareness is needed of yourself and the other and a lot of generosity. But what is paradoxical, is that if we have such conversations, if we succeed, they energize us, motivates you or sets us free. And that's a great victory for a conversation
